If cities in which I've lived were
lovers, then I admit to a few these past twenty years. Of these,
perhaps the most intense and enduring has been New York City. Our
courtship has been a long one. We first met about seventeen years ago
while I was in a relationship with San Diego, a calm and laid-back
kind of lover. The contrasting energy of New York seemed to emanate
from the pavement and was like electricity running through my body.
Despite the attraction, NYCs fiery nature was also intimidating.
Several years later we met again, when I was back together with San
Diego after an intervening relationship with San Francisco. I almost
committed then, but was lured by a perceived stability of several
relationships with Texas cities. Then five years ago, I moved closer,
to Long Island, which allowed NYC and me to see each other more
frequently. Three years later the commitment was sealed when I moved to
Brooklyn.
These years together we have danced
together as only passionate lovers could, as I learned its history,
strengths, and weaknesses. Although there are few streets I have not
walked, it continued to delight me with something new. When I have
sought the beauty, it has been there: a beautiful sunset as the city
lights come alive; a rose garden in the middle of downtown; the hues
of autumn; and the purity of snow on the grayest concrete. When I
have sought the ugliness, that, too, was apparent in the smells, the
noise, the crowds, the poverty and despair. The moments of tested
patience were tempered with the delight of something unexpected.
Nothing that shines so bright can do so without its shadow.
Regardless of my perceived mood, NYC never ceased to entertain me, on
a subway or on the street, with buskers, brilliant dancers and
musicians, and its people with outlandish clothing, behavior, and
scams. The senses never rest and the wonder never ceases.
Yet something so dynamic and energetic
has its secrets, and so often in relationship, one discovers herself
in the reflection of the whole. How can something appearing so
congenial and crowded feel so lonely and isolated? I have seen naked
cowboys strumming guitars in Times Square and traveled every nation
linguistically on a single subway ride. If I wanted a haircut at
midnight or to shop for clothes after hours, if I wanted something
delivered, or anything to satisfy my every need and appetite, it was
readily available. When I was frustrated and lost, I saw a
half-headless Cookie Monster taking a smoke break, and the absurdity
of it all seemed to make sense at that point.
NYC is alive so I felt alive, by
extension but not as myself. The overstimulation and assault on
the
senses, so far from my self, started to take a toll. One learns and
grows in a relationship, sensing, too, when the time has come to move
on before the darkness settles in and hardens the heart. Perhaps I
have been too spoiled, too satiated, and too stimulated, or perhaps
the time is ripe for something new. Boredom rarely moves one to
change as much as the heart's desire for peace. And so it goes, for
now and not necessarily forever, with me and NYC. Our hearts and
souls are full of love and memories.
Thank you all for reading these
memories through the blog posts. Stay tuned for more adventures
soon....
